The Vegan Troll’s Guide to Passive-Aggressive Non-Vegans

Not everyone eats meat. But everyone has a cousin, co-worker, or first date who suddenly becomes a nutritionist when they find out you're vegan.

Some of them mean well. Some of them are just… well, full of beef.

Welcome to The Vegan Troll’s Guide to Surviving Passive-Aggressive Carnivores.

Here’s what they say (and what they really mean):

1. "I could never give up cheese."
   → Translation: I need you to know I have no discipline but high cholesterol.

2. "Where do you get your protein?"
   → Translation: I learned one health stat in 2012 and never let it go.

3. "I tried being vegan once. I felt weak."
   → Translation: I skipped breakfast and blamed the broccoli.

4. "I only eat happy animals."
   → Translation: I paid extra for the guilt-free label. Please don’t look me in the eyes.

5. "Plants feel pain too, you know."
   → Translation: I lost the argument but I’m going down swinging... with kale.

6. "Humans were meant to eat meat."
   → Translation: I'm scared of tofu.

7. "But bacon tho."
   → Translation: I’ve run out of logic and I’m clinging to pork like a life raft.

8. "Isn’t soy bad for you?"
   → Translation: I read a meme once.

9. "I only eat local, grass-fed meat."
   → Translation: I have a trust fund and a fragile sense of moral superiority.

10. "I could go vegan if it weren’t for eggs."
    → Translation: I have no interest in going vegan, but I like to sound close.

11. "One bite won’t kill you."
    → Translation: I am the problem.

🧠 Troll Tip:
You don’t have to argue. You just need a shirt that does it for you.
Shop 'Where’s Your Protein Bro?' Tee or browse the full Vegan Trolls Drop.

📲 Keep Trolling
Tag a vegan who's heard all of these.
Tag a non-vegan who’s said half of them.
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